Let’s have a daily check-in thread for everybody! I think it would be a great source of support and accountability. We’re all such a helpful bunch here that it only makes sense to draw out struggles, victories, and hugs.

Here’s what I’m thinking we should challenge ourselves to report on daily, in as little or as much detail as the author would like:

1.) How are you FEELING today? Use descriptive words.
2.) What is challenging you today? Use discretion if you choose to detail a struggle with eating disorder symptoms and warn if it might be triggering to other members.
3.) What is one thing you plan on doing to support a healthier, happier you?
4.) Name one thing your grateful for and why?
5.) Share one aspect about you that you like today.

Obviously, if you struggle with any of these, remind yourself that it’s okay and it’s not going to be easy every day. And, of course, the most important thing is that you know that this is a safe place where you can ask for help; that’s what I think a lot of us on this forum are here for!

My daily check-in!

I’m feeling very invigorated today for all the wrong reasons. I’m hyped up on caffeine and essentially symptom surfing, for lack of a better, more PC description. There’s a strong feeling of austerity that I’m wrestling with, and this ties into what I’m struggling with too, because the austere/disciplined feeling is a hoax. Well, the feeling itself isn’t, but it’s a misinterpretation.

I’m struggling with my automatic thoughts and feelings surrounding my ED. My body (and mind to some extent) are still in that phase of treatment where the “go-to” and familiar way to react to life in general is with symptoms. That SUCKS! I kind of hate that my ED has decided to add the symptom of apathy; that’s a much harder partner to ditch on the dance floor, if you know what I mean (it’s a Stage Five clinger!).

What am I going to do for a happier, healthier me? I have a therapy appointment today with my DBT therapist. I just started seeing him in conjunction with my EP team. We’re going to go over a behavior chain worksheet that I did that got to the heart of my symptom use. Without going into much detail, I discovered that a lot of my fear is tied into the concept of disappearance/invisibility/being alone! I’m hoping to get some tools that I can use to explore that and figure out how to tackle it in my future.

I’m grateful for my partner! He’s been such a strong support through my whole treatment process and I don’t think he realizes how much it means to me that he doesn’t pressure me AND that he completely understand this struggle with ED. Muah to my babe!

I like my attention to detail today. I had the ability to really dive in and explore my problem behaviors in that behavior chain. I feel like I did a really thorough job and got a LOT out of the exercise because of it.

I love it!  I have to do it later—cause I’m only here for a “quick check” not an “extended stay, chatty-Katie” visit…I also haven’t had a chance to read your answers for today—so I’ll read them when I come back!

Also, you’re on the crux of being a “senior member” again…you TOTALLY should have posted all your answers separately! :P

Pssh. I’m still sore about the loss of my old post count. The last thing I’m going to do is care about this one. ;)

What a great idea Ashe! It’s so nice to have you back here! Nice job on your behavior chain. I think it is so gratifying completing something like that that gives you further insight into your ED. I hope you had a good appointment and discussion with your DBT therapist.

I have been doing really well lately but last night/today has been tough. Check in:
1. I am feeling sad. I am scared this feeling will linger and start pulling me backwards. Having such a long history of depression, sadness kinda freaks me out a little. I am continually reminding myself that this feeling will pass. It never lasts forever and the valleys are part of life. I know it’s okay to have a range of emotions. I do not need to use symptoms to numb this feeling.
2. I’m having increased negative body image today. This is one of my biggest challenges.
3. I had a facial/massage scheduled this morning. I enjoyed it immensely but there were many times I had to bring myself out of the negative inner dialog about my body. I’m glad I got to experience it though. It did help. I also have plans with some loved ones today which will help keep me out of my head.
4. I am grateful for the progress in recovery I have made. I was able to reach out today and discuss my sadness and worries with my sister. Something I probably wouldn’t have done just a few months ago.
5. Gah. I don’t like this one! If I have to say one thing, I guess it would be similar to #4. I like that I found the strength I needed to reach out and ask for support.

Love this!!! YAY!

1.) I’m having sort of a mixed day. Excited/happy about some cool things that are happening in my life, but also anxious.

2.) My family dynamics are challenging for me today (stress!). I am also challenged by negative body image.

3.) I have a really fun weekend planned!

4.) I’m grateful for knitting today.

5.) I am really proud of myself for the way I planned ahead today and did things to prepare for the weekend, like my laundry, so I wouldn’t get stressed out and could concentrate on what I have planned, which is hanging out with friends I have not seen in a long time!

tweedy - 25 February 2011 05:47 PM

I am scared this feeling will linger and start pulling me backwards. Having such a long history of depression, sadness kinda freaks me out a little. I am continually reminding myself that this feeling will pass. It never lasts forever and the valleys are part of life. I know it’s okay to have a range of emotions. I do not need to use symptoms to numb this feeling.

((((tweedy))))

I think it’s great that you’re taking the time to remind yourself that emotions are impermanent. They do pass, but even so, we can do this to make them a little more easy to handle in the meantime. Have you been using any skills to intervene the risk of backslide from this emotion? Just checking.

;)

chickadee - 25 February 2011 09:57 PM

I have a really fun weekend planned!

Dude! What a cliffhanger! What are you doing (or if it’s post-weekend, what did you do)? :D

I kind of hate that it doesn’t allow me to quote two people at once unless I have two windows open on the thread and copy-paste one into the other. Suuuucks.

1. I feel accomplished! I got up this morning and instead of sitting around urge-surfing, I cleaned the entire place—down to the bathroom, the stairs, sweeping, the recycling/trash… And when I say “bathroom,” I don’t mean “Oh, the toothpaste should go in the mirror cabinet”; I mean, toilet, sink, tub/shower, and floors. EVERY SERVICE. No dirt left unaccounted for.

2. Ugh. I’m having trouble not obsessing over how my clothes look on me today. I guess that’s also a negative body image day that were also reported yesterday from you two, chickadee and tweedy. (Weird, both of the avian variety.)

3. I’m going to see the last performance of one my family friends’ band! So, I’ll get to see a lot of people who love me in one place.

4. I’m grateful for Mr. Clean today.

5. Some days (like today), I like the fact that I keep going until it’s done. It makes for a very productive morning. :)

Thanks for asking, Ashe. It’s my “birthday weekend” so I have had and continue to have a lot of interaction with family and friends which is helping to keep me in touch with the present moment. I enjoyed a little extra time with one of my sisters and my 3 month old nephew too last night. Babies are so good for my heart. :) Oh and I’ve been journaling and keeping food records. So I guess I’m doing okay. Urges feel stronger today. I think I’m going to try and get some yoga in before the next outing.

Wanna come clean my house?? ;)

tweedy - 26 February 2011 01:35 PM

Wanna come clean my house?? ;)

Yes, tweedy, I do. I don’t charge for it, if the company is right. ;) Cleaning is a huge relaxant for me. And I know how incredibly easy it is to dread doing it and put it off (heck, I’m guilty of it!). So, I actually like it when people ask me to come over to clean; more often than not, he/she ends up helping me and then it becomes more fun!

Happy birthday, BTW! :D I’m glad it’s helping you to stay in the present moment. And way to go on doing what you can to fight those urges.

An early check-in.

1. I feel manic and out-of-control today. Crazy is another word that comes to mind. I’m on medication for bipolar II, but it hasn’t been working the greatest yet (we’re still in the trial and error phase). I just get so impulsive and anxious, racing thoughts, euphoria, irritability, the works…

2. I’m struggling with rapid cycling today. When I am hypomanic or manic, urges tend to be higher and my ability to fight them tends to be lower. So, I essentially suuuuuck right now.

3. I’m going to stick to my skills today! I’m focusing on the present moment and meditating today. I’m going to be meditating and practicing mindfulness a LOT, because I just can’t stay present today at all—it’s sooo hard in this part of the cycle.

4. I’m grateful for my meditation room, in particular my Shambhala Buddhist pillow designed for
western bodies that can’t achieve the lotus position comfortably. I should post a photo of the area. It’s a very relaxing and mindful place. I have a lot of self-soothe with sense in there. For one, I have a visually pleasing scroll written in ancient Chinese sitting on a very decorated shelf. I have candles and potpourri for smell, a Tibetan singing bowl/bell for sound, and Buddhist prayer beads for touch. Taste I leave out for obvious reasons…

5. Wow. This is challenging today. I guess I’m pleased that I am persistent (almost to a fault sometimes) in continuing to fight my personality and eating disorders, even when urges and apathy are at their highest.

tweedy - 26 February 2011 01:35 PM

Thanks for asking, Ashe. It’s my “birthday weekend” so I have had and continue to have a lot of interaction with family and friends which is helping to keep me in touch with the present moment. I enjoyed a little extra time with one of my sisters and my 3 month old nephew too last night. Babies are so good for my heart. :) Oh and I’ve been journaling and keeping food records. So I guess I’m doing okay. Urges feel stronger today. I think I’m going to try and get some yoga in before the next outing.

Wanna come clean my house?? ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  I hope you have a great birthday!!!

1.) Depressed, anxious, confused
2.) Oh man, I had strong urges today…strong…they passed…I let myself have mental tizzies (without actions to my urges for symptom use)...
3.) I drew on myself the other day when I was in a really rough place…and I think I’m going to keep that up—there was a physical reminder on my body (kept me grounded and focused and helped me reframe awful situations).
4.) I’m grateful that I got a nap today (even if it was only for 25ish minutes)—because I was EXHAUSTED and it really helped me survive the day…
5.) I had the ability of self-control and didn’t “go off” on certain people (in real life) that DESERVE “going-off”-on…I took deep breaths and “let it go”...so I’m proud of that.

Ashe - 26 February 2011 11:34 AM

chickadee - 25 February 2011 09:57 PM

I have a really fun weekend planned!

Dude! What a cliffhanger! What are you doing (or if it’s post-weekend, what did you do)? :D

I hung out with friends whom I have not seen in months (some of them have moved away, others have opposite schedules to mine) all weekend!