Hi—

I’m concerned that one of my friends is struggling with an eating disorder. I read the advice on your website about talking to the person privately and being candid about one’s concerns. There’s probably no other way to go about it, but I’m just afraid that he would totally shut down—and perhaps avoid interacting with me in the future—if I confronted him. He’s a very private person, and we’re not super close, so I’m also not sure if it’s my place to say anything. I get the feeling, though, that he might not have any close friends he confides in.

Maybe I could just encourage him to talk about what’s on his mind? Any advice is truly appreciated. Thanks.

hi. I think that really is the only way to go about it. I know when I had been confronted in the past from someone I wasn’t particuarly close to, I was okay with it. It was almost a relief that someone had confronted me because then it meant that I needed to start doing something about my ed. I may of avoided interacting with that person a little in the beginning but then I realized that they acutally cared and it probably brought me a little closer to her in the end. I’d say just talk to him and tell him that you care but you’ve been noticing XYZ. You sound like a caring individual so I’m sure anything you’d say would be right in line.

Thanks, lost, for the insight and encouraging comments. Best to you.

I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that no one is going to change unless and until he or she is ready to.  The best you can hope for is that you can be there to help that person to seek help when that time comes.

You can try talking to your friend, but if he doesn’t respond in a positive manner, it’s probably not because you didn’t approach it in the “right” way…he’s probably just not ready to get help.