Two things really stuck out to me when you were writing: one: you’re very aware of the resources you are lacking at the moment (more intensive care, stronger social supports) two: you seem to have conflicting desires (not wanting more intensive care, but wanting to get better and have ED more quiet and out of your mind)
I didn’t have as strong of supports a while back either when I’d say things were at their worst. I mentioned that to my brother once and he asked: well what do you do when you can’t get something you need in one way? and I answered nothing. But then he laughed at me and said: no, you get it in another way. Explicitly saying this really made me think and helped me. Instead of continuing to try and get what I wanted in the same way (which repetitively wasn’t working and made me feel more sad), I tried to figure out how I could get it in other HEALTHY ways (*this btw was one reason ED was so close to me…..he was giving me what i wanted, but in a way that was tearing me down).
I still struggle with not feeling beautiful. I still don’t have a good answer for what works for me and I certainly can’t tell you what will work for you because everyone’s different. But, for me, yoga and bellydance has made me feel more connected and happy with my body. But it takes work…..I have to remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect at it…...
