I am just tired. Tired of bulimia controlling my day and my paycheck! I want to wake up and not worry that i might make a mistake and throw my hands up in defeat. I want to enjoy life and all the little pleasures. I am ready to love myself again but it is so hard to give up my disease when it is so convenient for me. I have relied on bulimia to cope with happiness, anger, stress, and sadness. And yes it is embarrassing admitting that i am great at this disease and that i have stuctured my life to accommodate bulimia. I can stop when i want to but sometimes it is so simple (because this is gross, but that purge provides this sense of relief and release…it’s addicting!). I am new to this site and if anyone has any advice on different coping mechanisms and outlets i would gladly take them. I am tired of bulimia taking over my relationship swith my family, friends, and food!

Try and hang in there. I have my good days and my bad days. I’m hoping that being involved in IOP this summer will help me get a better handle on what is really feeding my eating disorder. I try to be strong and talk back to it, and it does work sometimes. It is frustrating how powerful the thoughts and mindset can become when entering a binge/purge session. I just hope that we can find the healthy control inside of us to make the better choices.