I have been dealing wtih an eating disorder of some sort since I was 12 years old ranging from hospitalization for anorexia to gaining an enormous amount of weight to now, trying to maintain and control.
  I no longer have issues with anorexia but now have issues with binge eating.  I have never been a “purger” but have taken laxatives which I guess can be considered the same.  Recently my binges have gotten worse and I have seriously thought about purging, standing in the bathroom, thinking, trying understand, trying to find the “courage?”  I do not want to take that path and don’t know if I am really at risk for doing so but these new thoughts scare me.  I don’t want to be binging so badly that I feel uncomfortable and want to purge. Well heck, I don’t want to binge at all. 
  I don’t really know why I binge.  I will ask myself why I am doing it and I will think about stopping but I don’t.  I am sure most of you know the feeling, being out of control not being able to make a simple decision.  I am not really sure why I am writing or if I looking for a specific answer but maybe I am just looking for anything or just some way to vent.
  Thanks for taking some time to read my post. If you have anything to say whether it be regarding this post or not please, let m e know.

I understand where you are coming from.  I have had food issues as long as I can remember, and have experienced the full spectrum of disordered eating - anorexia, bulimia, binge eating.  It is really frustrating.  I think it’s especially hard to try for a “happy medium” when you have the binge voice yelling in one ear and the anorexia voice yelling in the other.  You can drown one out by listening to the other, but trying to ignore two at once is really hard.  I’m sorry I don’t have any advice; I just wanted to say that I’ve been there.  Heck, I’m still there.

I really understand where you are coming from. I am also dealing with the full spectrum of eating disorders. I can’t and don’t understand why I have the behaviors I have. I am thankful that I can at least spit some of my information out here, but I know I need more than just that. I feel very alone in this constant battle. I just wanted to let you know that because of your post, I don’t feel as alone. Thanks.