I have done my intake and assessment, and tomorrow is my first “real” appointment. I feel so out of control. even when i don’t want to binge, i do. its become habit and that is scary, the pounds are packing on. that kills me because I recently just lost it all. I want to stop. I tried on my own before contacting the Emily program. i tried to eat 3 meals and day and a snack like i used to, i still had the urge to binge. Then the other day i realized its my emotions being taken out on food. so how do i stop eating BEFORE my emotions are dealt with??
Ugh. and whenever i try to talk to someone about it, they dont understand what binging is. they always say oh me too… no. they don’t know how bad it is when it a disorder and out of control.
=(
my binges usually include sweets and lots of em. but lately i crave “bad food” too.

Hi Cassie,
I’m glad you have your first real appt. tomorrow. Feeling out of control IS scary wether you are binging or not. Are you having an individual appt. or group? Regardless, you will learn new coping mechanisms to deal with your emotions so you don’t have to take it out on food. It’s a learning process. I’ve been in recovery a very long time and I am still learning new ways.
It’s hard for people who don’t have ED’s to get “it”. Personally, I don’t even try to talk to them…I talk to my ED friends, through my group and individual therapy sessions and EDA meetings. I have a nice social network of ED support that I go to instead of those who don’t understand (my family is the worst!).  I understand the binging both as as habit AND as a coping mechanism….habits are hard to break plus you need to learn new ways to cope. The good news is that both are doable. I’m glad that you are getting help. Recovery is hard work but it’s worth it. It’s a journey that is sometimes one step back then two steps forward followed by another step back….but over time you will get there. Keep coming on this message board and talking, it really helps.

Thanks so much. words of encouragement help. and i really want to make friends that have this problem. my appt today is with an individual counselor, i was recommended to join and yoga body image group, and i really want to but it wont work with my schedule. that’s another irritating thing. In jan. i will have school, and internship, and work, AND help from the Emily program. At my assessment the therapist recommend intensive in/out (cant remember), and i would love to do it… but time. i bet it a long periods of time you have to do it for.
Well hopefully i can get a little advice on my 1st day. I want to stop, so bad. =o(

First appointments ARE scary!  I hope yours goes well.  Remember, everyone is there to help you, and there’s nothing they haven’t heard before.  That last bit was (and still is) hard for me to remember.  I would be too embarrassed to bring something up because I was so ashamed, or thought it sounded stupid, etc.  But when I finally did make myself talk, I always found acceptance, not judgement, and understanding.  Good luck as you begin your journey toward recovery!