Please help me, my heart is so sad for my daughter.  She goes to individual counseling once a week, but only because she has to.  She never will eat with us, her family.  She won’t eat at school, she only eats here at home when nobody is looking, and it’s usually just cereal, bread, and cookies.  Then she punishes herself for eating by starving herself for a few days after that, only drinking lots of water.  I get so sad every time I go to the grocery for my family, thinking as I go down each aisle, “She won’t eat this, she won’t eat that.  Oh, how she used to love that.”  By the time I get home I am spent emotionally.  I also get really sad when I set the table, knowing I don’t have to set a place for her, even though she’s right upstairs.  She never talks to me about her therapy appointments, I have no idea what they talk about or if they are even helping.  I see no evidence of change, but I am trying to be patient and let the process work.  This has been going on for months and I am so worried for her future.  What will happen when she goes to college next year?  She keeps thinking she’s fine, since her medical checks all come back “ok”.  I know she has stopped menstruating, and she seems sluggish all the time, but they tell me there’s no plan to change anything as long as she is medically stable.  But she is not psychologically stable, I am sure of that.  Her latest complaint is feeling gassy and bloated, she even skipped a friend’s party because she felt too bloated.  When I point out that her symptoms are normal with her eating disorder, she gets very upset with me. 
Can anybody give me some hope?  I’m afraid it will have to get worse before it can get better.  Thanks, and God bless you all.

Sometimes things do get worse before they get better, but at least the possibility of recovery exists.  I know that it is difficult to watch this happen to your daughter, and I know it is also difficult for her to live with an eating disorder, but patience is essential.  Be sure she knows that you love her, no matter what.  Tell her, or show her, that she is accepted by you in any condition or state of being.  Try encouraging her to talk to you about the eating disorder behaviors without judging them.  Sadly, eating disorders tend to linger for long periods of time, and recovery is a lengthy process, but we can overcome.  Perhaps you would benefit from a parent support group…you are in for a long haul, and you cannot do it alone.  Persistence and patience will help both of you.  I wish you all the best.

Thanks, I hope to get there Wed. night.  I feel unable to encourage her, because she has made it very clear that she doesn’t want me anywhere near her.  If I try to talk with her she shuts down completely.  She still wants to go out with friends, wants to use the car, etc, and I guess I have to allow all her normal privileges, even though she is not cooperating with treatment.  I worry about how this will affect the younger siblings.  Anyway, thanks for your warm wishes.

Being a daughter and having my parents in the same boat as you9wishing my parents would have handled it differently) I suggest maybe telling her your inner most feelings about everything in the nicest most unjudging way possible and dont hold any feelings back! Maybe if she knows you are trying to understand and care about her she will open up to you!
good luck! it is hard and a very long process for u and your daughter!