Has anyone been through pregnancy with your eating disorder still piping up on occasion? I am trying to be so healthy, but I know that there are some things that I should not be doing. I’ve been weighing myself, which is not good. I mean, my eating disorder was fairly “active” before getting pregnant (and for the first month until I figured out that I was pregnant) so it’s really not “baby weight” at this point. It’s just a little weight. A little tummy. I mean, I am eating a few times over what I was eating before, just to be healthy. I am trying to stay with healthy foods, though I crave sweets. Lots of fruit. Lots of whole grains.

My boyfriend doesn’t really understand how bad my eating disorder has been in the past. He is very unemotional about all of it, but also says that he feels incredibly hurt and confused when I say something disparaging about my shape. My growing, lol.

Any input is welcome.

Hi everyone. I am Carolyn. I am new. Sort of.

I started the Emily Program at the beginning of the year 2011. I then isolated and ED took over and I stopped going to appointments.

Then I spiraled and ended up in CA at an eating disorder hospital on memorial day. I left after 2 weeks. Should have stayed longer. I have really bad PTSD. And insurance sucks that I couldn’t get into Anna Westin.

Now I am home and waiting to get into the IOP. Its so hard to wait and wait. And its hard being home 2 weeks now and not seeing a therapist yet or having all the support I had when I was in the ED hospital in CA. And I miss the people. The Patients and some staff.

And its so hard to come home to a husband who has an ED himself. I am hoping I can get into couples therapy. Because he won’t go to the EP. I mean he said no…but is it ED in me seeing that my hubby has an eating disorder?? Or does he?? UGH!

I am just so overwhelmed. Its my 30 day mark of being healthy and starting this journey on memorial day - I should feel proud. But I don’t….

BOO! So impatient….So lonely….

So, I saw this - and I am going to try it:

1.) How are you FEELING today?

Afraid; Angry; Anxious; Ashamed; Concerned; Conflicted; Desperate; Discouraged; Embarrassed; Fearful; Fragile; Hopeful; Impatient; Hurt; Inferior; Invisible; lonely; Misunderstood; overwhelmed; panicky; sad; tense; upset; Weak….( I got help from the book “Food and Feelings” workbook - feelings list)....
2.) What is challenging you today?
Well, all of the men and women at the ED hospital that I was at SAID they would stay in touch. And we have through texting and facebook. But I think because I was so lonely here these last two weeks that I annoyed people by texting and facebooking. And I forgot how intense it is in there. So now one lady (who I really liked) took me off her facebook and won’t answer my texts. So, I am freaking out inside about that. And I don’t know if I will ever get peace of mind about it. I don’t know what I did. I feel so sad about it. And just horrible. And of course paranoid that more people will drop me too. I know NO ONE up here in MN besides my husband. I didn’t mean to drive people away. And certainly not her. I finally made some friends out there in CA. But my PTSD got the better of me and I left too soon. And now I am stuck.

I have been crying EVERY day and night now and trying to stick to meal plan, go to appointments, and do everything right. I want recovery. I have gone to EDA meetings, A christian 12 step meeting, and whatever I can find to do to stay busy. I have books….

I am just a wreck…If you pray - say a prayer for a stranger - will you?

At least I see a dietician tomorrow at E.P…That is good news…

3.) What is one thing you plan on doing to support a healthier, happier you?
Trying to not be so judgmental on myself and stick to my meal plan and feel the feelings - even though they are uncomfortable.

4.) Name one thing your grateful for and why?
My husband…He drives me nuts - but he is wonderful.

5.) Share one aspect about you that you like today.
My heart. I am kind.